Friday, September 15, 2017

True church like none any have seen

I want to write about some of the events of the last few weeks. As life changing as these weeks have been I cannot begin to understand the depth of what transpired but I can certainly type a few words to scratch or provoke an itch in all of us.

As most of you know we have lived 8 months now in Portugal. Living in such a way that has never been experienced before. This last month has been no different and in the middle of this all what starts to get revealed is the desire for intimacy of the bride. Truly religion can see needs and spirit just is.

The spiritual torment of this month had been so intense that in 17 years of living the extreme it has never been like now. To not be able to sleep a full night without attempted panic attacks trying to overwhelm. To not be able to stay awake in the daytime with the weight of fear and anxiety and to have no out, no rest and no line of reasoning.
It was in the early hours of one morning a spiritual window opened like one I have never seen. At first I thought it demonic and later understood it was Holy unto God. It was as if for a flash I was shown the complete hopeless state of where I am. The complete vulnerability and the vast demonic cloud waiting to overwhelm. Then in that same instant there was the revealing of the holy Spirit force that stood me on my feet. Without the Holy Spirit there was nothing no breathe of life no ability to go on and no way to function. We had crossed a line that had no way back and as terrifying as the slight window of understanding was we were embraced by koinonia.

It is in these times I understood the only true desire is intimacy. The only true desire is people of like spirit who bleed when I am cut. Not by wanting to be with me, not because they like me or don't like me . But merely because they are one with me. This is what brought life. Such people had no answer as they were the answer. They were as much in the fire as me and we rise or fall together. It made no sense to the learned ways and they would never ask what are my needs they just met needs. The flow of life was and is such each others needs are met and nobody really takes ownership.

Nobody encouraged with words, nobody told us God is faithful while they hid inside religion. They were God and continue to be God. Every person involved or in spirit gave of their lives. They gave in such a way it consumed me it enveloped me in a love I have never experienced. One phone call I wept as the overwhelming spirit of love in Christ Jesus upheld me through others in koinonia. Their feet stood for me when all I could do was fall, their hands embraced me as fear crippled me to collapse. In sheer exhaustion with no ability to stand I stood with the strength of others. Their words spoke for me when my mouth was paralyzed. I was faced with a true church that went beyond words and into a realm I had been scared to let live in me.

It was 2 weeks after the most intense heat I can finally say I feel free. Last night I slept a rest of the beloved. Like one in a dream to never awaken is the blessing of the righteous. A promise land of a utopia we have all wanted to strive for but in striving we feel it slip from our grasp. Truly the true church of Jesus Christ had just upheld me and how can I ever be the same.

It was during this time I saw a line of sanity and understood as clear as day the pathway of spirit to release those trapped in mental breakdown. Those who have been destroyed by such pressure they could only break. I pulled my car up to one such man during this time and threw a few nice religious words to him like. “may Jesus help you and set you free”. It was these words that God brought back to me to reveal how trapped we are. Spirit moves us and we don't know what to do so we throw some sickening encouragement at those around us. You know we have all heard the lines or used them.
“God will provide” “praying for you” “it will work out” etc etc. Then there are those who dont say anything they just are with you.
How would it be for those who have lost their sanity, those who have run over by life and have had no way out. How would it be if spirit came and loved them. For once they never felt alone and the cloud of sanity or insanity that clouded their heads was pierced by a divine love. Just for a moment a relief enabled them to see life. That love was not spoken it consisted of nothing natural and was imparted by those living beyond this world. Maybe they just walked a mile with the troubled and like Jesus on the road to emmaus he just walked and was with the men. Then they were changed. This is the church of Jesus Christ. They walk with the troubled and are so troubled themselves they don't throw advice or encouragement they just are one in spirit and this is what pierces the darkness and saves a soul from hell.

This is what caused men to call me in the darkest hours. When one was waiting for a hurricane to destroy and another gave all he owned and another experienced the sleeplessness of my nights. This is the true church of Jesus Christ that in all honest completely humbles me and can only make me wonder how I could ever be chosen to be part of such a living organism. I was in coming face to face with my own frailty able to see the completeness of the fullness of who we are in koinonia. Astounded!!!

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